Bolivia

Just across the other side of the lake lies Bolivia and it’s possible to get a bus across, so we think why the hell not. Country number 13: let’s hope it’s not unlucky.

A 7am departure and it’s just 2 hours to the border where we’re all off the bus and walking through a stone archway into Bolivia. A painless entry procedure where I don’t even have to hide anything in bins, back onto the bus and it’s just a short distance to Copacabana where we have just one hour before the bus leaves for the next part of our journey. We knew Bolivia was going to be cheap but we’re amazed to find that it cost less than £2 for a lunch of steak, rice, chips and vegetables.

Our destination is not La Paz, capital of Bolivia but Huatajata, on the same road but some 2 hours before. We’ve read about the grandly named Inca Utama Hotel and Spa – Andean Roots Eco Village (www.titicaca.com) and have decided to spend a couple of nights there. When we booked our tickets we were told that the bus to La Paz stops here but the driver is refusing to stop. My stomach is doing flips and I’m desperate for the toilet, but unfortunately there isn’t one on this bus. The roads are climbing higher and higher and I’m finding it hard to breath at this altitude. And to top it all of, I’m feeling sick too. This brings on a panic attack and before I know it, I’m gasping and wheezing at the back of the bus as Harley continually asks me what’s wrong. We should have taken all of this as an omen and gone straight back to Copocabana right then.

Fortunately, it’s not long until the roads start winding back down again and then it’s all out of the bus as we stop at the side of the lake. I can’t run fast enough to find a toilet and it doesn’t even bother me that these are one of the most revolting examples I’ve encountered on this trip, and believe me, there’s been a few bad ones.

As I emerge, quite literally relieved, I notice that our bus is being punted across the lake on a wooden platform and everyone is getting into small boats to be ferried across. Whilst we’re waiting on the other side for the bus to join us, Will finds the driver and greases his palm with 20 bolivanos (which is less than £2 but our entire 7 ½ hour journey costs only £4) and again asks him to stop in Huatajata. It works and the bus drops us right outside the hotel.

I’m slightly confused because we seem to be in the middle of nowhere, although we are right on the shore of the lake with stunning views. This wasn’t to be the only time I was confused in the next 3 days.

The marketing material promised us several museums, an Eco village, an observatory,
Aymara tribes people showing how to make reed boats, a spa using natural medicines of the Andes, a children’s park where local children come to play with your own, 2 restaurants, folk music performances every evening, cable tv, internet, bar, travel services….the list was almost endless. Almost all of the above were either complete fabrication or a total exaggeration. For starters, there are no local children; the Aymara tribes people have mostly moved on leaving just two old men and their wives here; there was no tv (not a problem) or internet (a problem since I need to book our next hotel and we’re in the middle of nowhere); no phones in the room (a problem for the same reason); the travel services were limited to offering hydrofoil tours to Copacabana for $180 each (vs the $4 it cost us to get here by bus); only 1 restaurant is open (and we’re the only ones in it) and there’s no folk music performances. There is a bar (which you have to go to reception and ask them to open) but the kids aren’t allowed in. The spa offers 2 types of massage: one with coca butter and one with mud - hardly natural medicines of the Andes. And I’ve never stayed in a 5 star hotel that doesn’t even have a fridge in the room. Breakfast is bowl of cereal, fruit juice, one roll with jam and a banana plus a coffee. No buses stop here and a taxi is our only way back to Copacabana and it’s going to cost us $50. Trying to book flight on the phone (from reception) is going to cost 25% more than booking over the internet. Even in the middle of nowhere in NZ it wasn’t this bad. I can’t believe we’re paying $110 a night, in cheap as chips Bolivia, to stay in this piece of shit.

We did have company in the hotel on the second night, a girl who was on her own, thinking she was joining a group tour for the next week and discovered that it was to be just her and a male guide. Poor thing.

There was one amazing thing to come out of all this. NASA donated a telescope to this place some years ago (presumably before it went to the dogs) and it is now housed in a grass hut in the grounds. We have to ask if it still exists and we’re led off with a member of staff (who, let’s face it, has absolutely nothing else to do) to watch a short video about the stars and then the roof rolls back and we’re invited to look at Jupiter. Not the most amazing site in the world (it looks like a small moon) but pretty amazing to be able to see it all the same. I wonder if NASA knows that one of their telescopes resides in a grass hut?

Billed as The Most Astonishing Five Stars on Lake Titicaca, I think it must be the only 5 stars on Lake Titicaca. Actually, it is the most astonishing five star hotel I’ve ever known, maybe that’s what they mean.